One Hell of a Night
by MAGNUM777
Summary: Tohno Shiki, Kokuto Mikiya, Emiya Shirou, Arihiko Inui, and Ryudo Issei go to London and get drunk. Mikiya, Arihiko, and Issei find themselves in France with Shiki still in London and Emiya Shirou nowhere to be found. What will they do from here?


One hell of a night

Another fic that will never be finished by MAGNUM777

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><p>*Ring Ring*<p>

The sound of a cell phone. A hand picked it up and flipped it open, "Hello?"

"Hey... Tohsaka... it's me, Arihiko." An uneasy laugh escaped from the former delinquent's lips.

"Where hell are you guys! Shirou's induction into Clock Tower is in FIVE HOURS!" Tohsaka Rin's frustrated voice screamed.

"Yeah uh... we're in Calais..." Another uneasy laugh from the phone.

"Calais? As in France? What are doing over there? Where's Emiya? Let me talk to him."

"Yeah... about that..." Arihiko looked around him, scanning the skyline from the rooftop where he was standing. Beside him were Ryudo Issei and Kokutou Mikiya. They were sitting down with dejected looks on their faces. "We... kinda sorta fucked up... bad... We don't know where Emiya is."

"WHAT!"

It all started with a bottle of beer. And a massive hangover.

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><p>Two days earlier...<p>

"Woah, woah watch it, too close for comfort," Arihiko, age 24, lowered his arms and grabbed the tailor's wrist.

"Let the man do his job, he's just measuring you out," Tohno Shiki, also 24, replied. He was dressed in a nice, black suit. He pushed his Mystic Eye Killers up a little higher and straightened his tie as he examined himself in the mirror.

Arihiko complied, "He was just getting a little too close to my dick, that's all." The tailor rolled his eyes and made some final measurements as a car honked in the background.

Kokutou Mikiya, age 28, pulled up beside that Tailor's in a bright red sports car. After quickly paying for their things and packing them, they walked out.

"Nice car bro," Arihiko pointed out, hopping in the shotgun seat as Shiki got into the back, "Let me drive it, will ya?"

"It's Aozaki Touko's so watch your feet," at that, Arihiko immediately pulled his feet off from above the glovebox. No need to anger a woman who could tear him limb from limb with a snap of a finger.

* * *

><p>"Everyone needs to form groups for the class trip, please list your groups on the group sheet, thank you," Ryudo Issei, age 23, gathered the sheets and stacked them onto his desk as he heard a car honking outside.<p>

"Sensei, I heard you're going to England today," A student, of his approached him.

"Why yes, yes I am," Issei replied with a smile. He wanted to leave as quickly as possible, his 'friends' were supposed to pick him up and only god knew what Arihiko was going to do. "A very close friend of mine has something important to attend to over there and has invited me to come along."

"Sensei's friend sound very important, are all your friends as mature as you?" the girl asked, blushing slightly.

"Well... that's..." he started to stutter as a car honked outside.

"Paging Professor Faggot!" came the loud voice of Arihiko Inui. He was standing on top of the car.

The female student looked visibly shocked and Ryudo Issei said nothing.

"Professor Faggot! We're gonna leave you to get boned unless you get your ass out here!"

"I should go..."

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><p>"What's the matter with you? Who stands outside a school screaming profanities?"<p>

"Oh relax Professor Faggot, it was just a bit of fun," Arihiko joked. They were on the airplane to London.

"A bit of a joke? I was talking to a student!" Issei was visibly angry and looked like he was about to jump Arihiko.

"Hey, hey, calm down, it's not like the kid'll remember after the break, we're almost at London, we'll meet up with Emiya there, see his induction, and then go home alright?" Tohno Shiki assured. Issei looked calmer now but was still a little angry.

"Fine, but that's it, no bar runs, no red-light districts, none of that, alright?"

"Don't be such a killjoy Issei, we're going to England, let loose a bit," Arihiko laughed.

"Don't tell me you're going along with this too Mikiya, you're a married man for Christ's sake, you have a daughter!"

Mikiya only let out a slightly embarrassed chuckle, "Well, to be honest, I really came to let loose a bit."

Issei's jaw dropped. Mikiya, being the most level-headed of the bunch, was his hope of controlling Arihiko's wild urges.

"What? My home life is quite stifling, trying to appear as the ideal father to both my wife's family and to my own sister."

Issei facepalmed and gave in, "Fine, do whatever you want."

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><p>London<p>

"Hey, welcome to London!" Emiya Shirou, age 23, greeted his three closest male friends. "Who's this?" he asked, giving a slight nod toward Tohno Shiki.

"That's Kokutou Mikya, you met at that drinking party, he's Aozaki Touko's assistant," Shiki answered. They had gone to a local bar and restaurant with Touko once and met there.

"Oh yeah, I remember now."

Introductions went around when Arcuied, Zeltretch, Rin and Saber arrived and soon enough, the five guys were at a bar, drinking and eating the night away.

"So, to Emiya's successful induction into the magus association?" Kokutou held up a glass of cognac. The other five men stood up as well.

"Cheers!"

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><p>The next morning...<p>

Groggily getting up off the couch, Kokutou Mikiya, half-asleep, wandered over to the balcony and started peeing over the edge. A self-satisfied smile formed on his face but then some rather loud cursing in a language he recognized but didn't quite understand snapped his eyes open. He shouted in surprise as he realized that he was peeing off the balcony of the tenth floor of a hotel room onto the people below. He tumbled backwards, landing on his butt as he put his glasses on.

"Oh, god, where am I?" The normally calm and collected man was in a state of near panic. "Holy shit!"

They were in a hotel room. Well, at least what remained of a hotel room. The chairs were destroyed, a flatscreen TV had been smashed to bits, and the bed frame had been snapped in half. The windows were shattered and the roof lights were flickering. Two brown rabbits hopped around the destroyed room. His own shirt was unbuttoned and he was in his boxers. First thing he did was find a pair of pants.

A loud snoring sound alerted him to the presence of Arihiko who slid off the table where the TV had been and landed with a loud thud and an, "Ow, Fuck!" The former delinquent staggered up, fixing his white, collared shirt and pants, "Where am I?"

"I don't know," Mikiya replied, getting up and tripping once more, this time over a large, object wrapped in a blanket. A female moan escaped from it, shocking Mikiya.

"Oh shit Mikiya, who the hell is that?" Arihiko was almost laughing. There was a naked girl in the blanket. Dark, curled hair reached her neckline with a fairly pretty face and a nice figure.

"Hey, hey are you alright?" Mikiya asked with genuine concern, shaking the girl awake.

"Ow..." she groaned, "What happened?"

"That's what we would like to know," Arihiko was laughing at the absurdity of this.

"Who are you?" Mikiya asked again.

"What the hell are you talking about guys? Why does my voice sound so weird? Goddamn, why am I naked?" She felt around and grabbed a pair of glasses and shoved them on her face, "HOLY SHIT! I'M A GIRL!"

"Ryudo? Is that... you?" Arihiko asked.

"Of course it's me you punkheaded asshole! How can you be laughing at a time like this! Why the hell am I a girl! Where's Tohno and Emiya!"

"Oh shit!" Arihiko and Mikiya said simultaneously. In all the confusion, where had their two friends gone?"

"Quick, check the bathrooms," Mikiya suggested and Arihiko complied. The three of them rushed over and opened the door, finding nothing but a large, wooden, 1:1 scale humanoid puppet.

"What the hell...?" Issei asked, poking it gingerly. Suddenly, eyes appeared in its sockets and its mouth opened, letting out a piercing shriek as the automaton lunged at the trio.

"HOLY SHIT!" Arihiko pushed back the other two and slammed the door in the puppet's face. "Barricade the door, barricade it!"

The three of them stacked all the destroyed furniture they could find against the door and then lay down on the ground, panting.

"What the hell was that thing!" Issei shouted, her higher pitched voice making it sound somewhat like a shriek.

"Hell if I know, aren't puppets your area of expertise Kokutou?"

"I am NOT going back in there," Kokutou Mikiya stated firmly. No matter how much he was used to Touko's artwork, no matter how crazy his own adventures had been, something that shrieked like was was definitely on his list of 'things to avoid permanently.'

The codec sound from Metal Gear Solid rang and Issei looked around. "What is that?"

"Oh, that's my cellphone," Arhiko replied, picking it up off the splintered coffee table.

"Hey guys, I'm by the pool right now, if you don't get breakfast now, you're out of luck."

"Tohno, you're at the hotel?" a sound of relief from Arihiko and the others.

"Yeah, aren't you?"

"Yeah... I have no idea where we are..." the rabbits continued to hop around the room and Issei eyed Mikiya who merely shrugged.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope," Arihiko lifted up the windo blinders and stared outside, "Actually... I think we're in France." French signs dotted the streets below and he could see the English Channel from where he was.

"France? how did you manage to get over there?"

"My question is, why aren't you with us?"

"You guys don't remember?"

Arihiko looked at Issei and Mikiya and they simply shrugged, "Nothing."

"Well, we were drinking at the bar and then Arcuied pulled me away early, I wasn't with the four of you afterwards."

"The four of us? Is Emiya there?" Mikiya took the phone from Arihiko.

"No... he was with you guys last time I remember."

"Well, he's not here, that's for certain. Wait, Emiya is missing? His induction is tomorrow!" This time it was Shiki panicking.

"Give us some time, tell Tohsaka we went on an all day fishing trip or something, we'll be back before the ceremony, I swear, we just need a little time to figure things out. Oh shit oh shit, if Shiki finds out I got drunk off my ass..." the Shiki he was referring to was obviously his wife.

"Alright then, call back as soon as you find him." Shiki hung up and the three guys, one of whom was now a girl, looked at each other with the same thought.

What the fuck did they do last night?

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><p>AN: So yeah, I just watched Hangover 2 and, instead of fixing my partly broken Red Green Moons fic, started another new one that I'll never finish. Well, I hope to finish this one but if you want to see what happens next, be prepared for a looooooooooong wait since I'll actually try to plan out the intricacies and everything this time around.


End file.
